Being a parent of a teen and a preteen can be confusing at times (most times, to be perfectly honest). Yesterday I was so proud of my teen, Riley (17). I'm an elementary school teacher, and had so much to bring with me yesterday, a box, a few bags, food, etc... I decided I would leave some of my items until the following day, because my mama was no octopus, thus I only have two arms.

When I got to school, I realized I did something I don't ever remember doing during the last twenty years of teaching; I forgot "the bag," the bag with my grade book, my lesson planner, my personal planner and my laptop... everything I need to survive in the classroom.

So, I text Riley, who drives, and asked if she could help me. She gets out of school a little before lunch and said she'd drive it to me around noon. What a life saver! 

My school is on the way to where she volunteers after school. So, I figured she just dropped by on her way to volunteer. Come to find out, she didn't volunteer that day. She drove fifteen minutes out of her day and back another fifteen minutes to help her old man. I was so proud of her...but, that was yesterday!

So, last Christmas Riley asked for a spy pen (yea, I know, a teenage girl with a pen that records video and audio), but she couldn't get it to work. The directions were in English but translated from Chinese and very confusing. So, after a few months she gave up on it and gave it to her little sister, Grace (12). 

Well, actually, Riley was going to sell it on Craigslist, but asked if anyone else in the house wanted it first. Grace took it and tried to figure it out. Still, no go. So, I was asked to put it up for sale on Craigslist. I sold the thing a few days ago for five bucks. Riley was gone when I sold it, but Grace was around and asked if she and her sister would split the money. I had no idea, and told Grace to talk to her sister about it.

So, today, here's how it went down. Riley says she should get the whole five bucks because it was a gift to her, and she was kind enough to offer it to her sister instead of selling it outright. Grace thought that since it was a gift to her after it was a gift to her sister, that they should split the money. They didn't agree, and I walked away, assuming they would work it out.

They didn't. I stepped in and told them I could see it from both of their points of view. Riley, my near-adult, the girl I was so pleased with for saving me yesterday, says, "It was my gift so I get the money", and closes her door like some kind of mutant Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Cholcolate Factory.

Of course this hurts her little sister's feelings, and Grace responds by saying, "Fine, you can have it all. It's only $2.50, anyway." I was sooo proud of her for taking the high road and even though she didn't want to give in on principle, she did because she knew it wasn't worth it, and two-fifty wasn't going to change either of their lives.

​What a difference a day makes!

image courtesy of https://pixabay.com/en/money-cash-usd-two-dollar-bill-1459232/

If you have read any of my previous posts, you know I think highly of my two daughters (12 and 17): wholesome, intelligent, kind to others, no drugs, smoking or dating (I think).

But, you also know that over the last couple of years, I have become extremely frustrated with my eldest, Riley. Getting her to do her chores or any of her household responsibilities has been like pulling teeth. She's terribly responsible when it comes to school assignments and keeping up with her personal projects. But, we have to nag her daily: Are these your socks?, Please put away the dishes?, Text us your location so we know where you are.

And, on top of that, when she comes home, she disappears into her room, shuts the door, and comes out to grab food, then back to her room she goes to do school work, watch YouTube or interact with her Star Trek communicator (she calls it a cell phone).

We've tried family dinners where we catch up with one another, lists of responsibilities via the book Duct Tape Parenting, and taking away driving privileges until she takes care of her responsibilities. 

Nothing has seemed to work, and my wife and I are partly to blame. We should have been a bit tougher earlier. Now, it's hard to back track, but we haven't given up.

Riley's senior year of high school has her out of class by noon each day. So, she suddenly has all of this extra time, and she's decided to fill it by taking dance classes, doing extra school projects, volunteering at two children's centers, and taking a part-time dance choreography job.

She came home two weeks ago and something incredible happened; she tells me, "I'm basically a grown up," and goes on to tell me about her day: first she got to school early for a project, then right after school she came home and made a quick bite to eat, then headed off to volunteer, got back home to work on her homework, then went to her job. She told me there was so much to take care of.

Of course I wanted to tell her, "Hello! Welcome to our world," but instead I acknowledged how much she'd done, and on top of it all, the dishes had been put away. It's been like this since then. She sends her location without asking. She spends more time with the family. And, her room even looks presentable.

I think she needed responsibility on her terms, because once she filled her schedule with what was important to her, she found places in her schedule to be responsible for what is importance to us. My little girl is truly growing up.

There's a lot of interesting material out there on birth order: first borns are responsible, middle children are peacemakers, last borns are the fun ones, etc...

I've got two girls, Riley (17) and Grace (12), and I wonder how life in our house would be different had their birth order been reversed. See, now that Riley is seventeen, she is in her room whenever she's at home. She rarely comes out to spend time with us, and when se force her to, it's easy to tell she's there out of obligation and secretly wondering, When can I get back in my room?

Grace is very different than her sister. She's always been very emotional, but she's also been closer with family. Yet, recently, I find her stashed away in her room on her phone watching old episodes of Glee or FaceTiming friends. Although Riley has never been as family-oriented as her little sister, when she was twelve, she was out with us spending time with family (not out of obligation).

I'm thinking that Grace is taking after her sister. She sees that's what cool, teenage, big sisters do, so why not follow suit?

Yet, had Grace been first born, I think by the time she was seventeen, she'd have been spending more time with family than her seventeen-year old sister is now. And, although Riley is less of a family-girl, she would have seen her cool, teenage, big sister spending time with us, and probably followed suit...even when she turned seventeen herself.

Then again, maybe it's just the wishful thinking of a dad who misses spending time with his daughters and who longs for the days when they wanted to be part of the family landscape.

image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.com/Aroldo