I remember being in high school a thousand years ago, and being unable to wait to turn sixteen. Sixteen meant getting a driver's license, and getting a driver's license meant freedom, which is precisely what I wanted as a teenage boy. 

For the past year and a half/two years, I've been excited for my teen daughter, Riley, to turn sixteen as well, so she could obtain a bit of freedom herself. Since being a high schooler, Riley's life has revolved around social activities with her group of girlfriends. I shouldn't really say that, because she does focus on her job, her schoolwork, and being on the cheer team, but as the "designated driver" it feels as though I am always taking her and her friends to the mall, picking them up from the beach, and driving them to and from  sleepovers.

It would be nice for my girl to start getting herself around town, but unlike my teen years, kids today don't seem to need to drive as badly as we had. Oh sure, I'm sure there are plenty of kids who get their license on their sixteenth birthdays, but far more are putting it off, my daughter being one of them. She says she'd like to drive, but taking the courses and training are just inconvenient for her at this point, precisely because of all her school work, her job and her cheer.

So, that means she's still relying on the Dear Old Dad Taxi Service to get around. But recently, a couple of her friends have gotten their license and a couple more are taking the courses to get theirs. I've spoken to some of the parents of the new drivers and realize there's a new inconvenience with a teen driver...worry!

I'm hearing that since you as a parent aren't dropping them off here and there, you never are quite sure where your kid is. Of course you fear for their safety on the road, and you never know if there will be driving while texting, talking on the phone or while intoxicated. 

After hearing from the other side, I happily accept this lesser of two evils (far lesser). Sure, it's inconvenient, but at least I know for the time being that she is safe. Yes, she will have to drive one day, and I need to let my little one fly out of the nest. I'm not holding her back, but if she wants to put off driving, I'll happily be her shuttle service.

I love summer. I love it so much that I will state it again: I love summer! Seeing that my wife and I both teach elementary school, summer for us is like being a couple of Labradors at an off-leash dog park for two and a half-months. We are free for ten weeks. It's a lovely time of year.

On top of that, our puppies get to be leash-free as well (except for the 16-year old who has online puppy classes this summer). That means we get to spend extra time with our daughters, spontaneous frozen yogurt outings, family vacations, trips to the beach, BBQs and staying up late.

It's that last bit of freedom that scares me a bit...staying up late. We all do it. Our 9:30 or 10:00 bedtimes have slowly crept to 10:30, then 11:00 and for some of us, midnight is the norm. For the teen, sometimes later. I'm not so concerned that we aren't getting enough sleep. My wife and youngest daughter sleep in every morning. I take naps (because, for the life of me, I can't sleep in any longer), and we generally say "good morning" to our teen right after the rest of us have finished eating lunch.

My concern is getting us all back on track in the next four weeks. It happens every August. We try to get our sleep schedules back to normal, and end up laying in bed the night before school starts, wide-eyed praying for slumber. And, of course, the more you think about not sleeping, the more you don't sleep.

So, this summer I have vowed to start correcting our sleep ways earlier. Each week we'll go to bed thirty minutes earlier than the week before, and by the time we are called to return to our leashes, we'll be ready. Of course, we'll have to tweak this for our vampire of a teen, but I think we can pull it off. 

Check back with us in a few weeks and see how we're doing. 'Til then, off to the dog park!

image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.com/Nesstor4u2

My little Riley is not so little any more. She is sixteen years old, and towers over her mother. I still tip the scales when it comes to weight and height, but at 5' 11", and 165 pounds, I am no longer the towering, imposing father she looked up to when she was in grade school. She realizes I'm not a big man, and often refers to me as a "shrimp," all in fun.

Grace is an amazing young woman. She has a 4.4 GPA, takes college and honors courses, is on the school dance team, hangs out with a wonderful circle of young ladies and isn't dating yet. But, she's still a teen, and boy, is it tough in many ways?

This girl is cocooning like never before (see my piece on this for reference). Life is all about her. She can't help it, but it's annoying: leaves plates and wrappers all over the house, wants what she wants immediately, responds to her mom and my questions with monosyllabic answers, has her face buried in her phone, and seems to know way more than we do.

Yet, her mom and I call her on these things and still try to teach her what we expect, but it just doesn't seem to be getting through that teen cocoon of hers. It's easy to throw up your hands and just wait out the next 700 days until she's off to college, but, of course we can't.

For the summer, Riley signed up for a Spanish course through our local city college. It will cover two years of Spanish in six weeks, all online. So, it's pretty intense. The course started a couple days after we had returned from a family trip to Mexico, so Riley was already behind on her first assignment.

She worked an entire day to catch up. Her assignment was due by midnight. She worked, took breaks, then worked some more. Ten minutes before midnight she pressed "send" and discovered that all of her work was lost. She was so frustrated. She's a teen and this is her summer. She worked her butt off and for what? 

She told us she wanted to drop the class and she'd take it again later in the school year. Riley is a responsible young lady, and I know she'll do what she says, but I also know that she has no idea how much work she'll have during her junior year. I told her if that's what she wanted that I would back her up on it. Then, I was surprised when she asked what I would do (my teen girl actually asked for my advice?). I told her that I would just barrel through it during the summer, and I'd be so pleased later that it was behind me, whereas if I put it off, it would be there looming over my future. 

She thought for about three seconds, then said, "I still want to drop it" (so much for listening to Dear Old Dad). But, I got it. It's summer and frustrating, and she wants to socialize more with her friends. My wife suggested she sleep on it and make her final decision the next morning. "Why? I already know what I'm going to do," she whined. 

"Just go to sleep, and you can drop then." So, she slept. Next morning, I hear Grace up in her room, but she doesn't come out. Finally, I knock on her door and see her at her computer. "Whatcha working on?" I ask.

"Spanish."

"You're not dropping?" I asked with as little emotion as possible.

"No," she responded monosyllabically.

I left her room and was so proud of her. I was stunned. I was shocked. And, I realized that our teen daughter really does hear us. And, because we have not given up on her, even though it often feels we are talking to a beautiful brick wall with her face buried in her iPhone, some of what we say gets through.

Never tell Riley, but this gives us hope as well as reason to continue to offer our advice, to tell her to put away her shoes, to be kind to her sister, and to look at us when she talks. They hate to admit it, but our teens still hear us, and although their prefrontal cortex may not be fully developed, given the right advice and enough time to ponder it, they can still surprise us.

image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.com/Aroldo

It's summer. that means the kids are out of school and we're looking for a family vacation, right? When looking to take the kids on a trip, I want to create memories and experiences that will last a lifetime, but I also want to give my kids the opportunities to try new things, discover more about themselves, and learn resilience and perseverance. Basically, it would be ideal if there was a place to flex my Safety-Net Parent muscles.

We just got back from vacation a few days ago, and it was all about Safety-Netting (it literally had a safety-net). My wife and I took our 11 and 16 year olds to Club Med Cancun. We saved for ten months to be able to pull it off, but with the older one looking into colleges, we realized that there won't be many more summer vacation opportunities.

The Cancun Village is family-oriented. Not all Club Meds are, so you'd want to look into that before choosing one. The weather was wonderful. the Caribbean Sea water was glorious. The food was remarkable. But, what really worked for us was that it played right into safety-netting.

The girls had ample opportunities to discover new passions: snorkeling, cooking, trapeze (that's where you find the safety net), dancing, volleyball, kayaking, swimming, and much more. And, when they found something they loved, they started to build on it every day to make it a strength. you don't always have that kind of opportunity at home. The other thing was that when they messed up, slipped or failed, the staff was there to show them where they misstepped, how to rectify it, dust them off and have them try again.

There was so much to like as a Safety-Net Parent at Club Med Cancun: trying new foods (frog legs and octopus), exposure to new cultures and languages, and learning independence ("We'll pick you up at the Kid's Club at 4:00"). It's great for us parents as well, because it gives us the chance to model the behaviors we want our kids to internalize: taking calculated risks, trying new things, being physically active, meeting new people, and making healthy food choices.

It also gave me and my wife the opportunity to keep the romantic fires burning while the kids were off with the groups, in bed or at an activity. And, one of the best things parents can do for their children is model a strong, healthy and loving relationship so that they can bring that to their own relationships in the future.

If you were wondering about where to take the family this summer and you want something tropical, my vote is for Club Med Cancun.