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Consequences and The Bunny

1/17/2015

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Can I make a suggestion? Never...NEVER...make a threat to your children you don't intend to follow through with, even if it's an imaginary being.

When my oldest daughter was four, it was the day before Easter, and she was messing around in some fashion. I don't remember what she was doing, but she shouldn't have been. So, me, thinking I was rather a clever father, I told her that if she continued, the Easter Bunny wouldn't come and hide her eggs and bring her anything for her basket.

For some reason, my threat didn't affect her and she kept misbehaving. My wife and I got her down for bed, and my wife said it was time to hide the eggs. I hated having to say it, but I told her we couldn't. My wife thought I was crazy. I told her that I warned our daughter if she didn't shape up, the Easter Bunny wouldn't come. After a lot of convincing, my wife allowed me to follow through.

When our daughter awoke on Easter morning, she was stunned to find no hidden eggs and only a note in her basket from the Easter Bunny. The Bunny explained that she hadn't behaved properly and that he didn't leave any surprises.

I know. I'm the meanest dad on earth, right? Believe me; it was the hardest thing I had ever done as a parent. I regretted making that threat. But, what I to this day believe I did right, was sticking to the consequence. Had I not, my word would have meant nothing and my daughter would have learned that the consequences I warn her about may come to fruition, but, then again, they might not.

The Easter Bunny gave my girl an out. He told her that if she could behave properly by her nap, while she slept, he would return and leave her gifts and eggs. That girl was on her best behavior and while at church services that morning, there was someone dressed in a bunny costume. My daughter approached and asked, "Am I doing good, Easter Bunny?" Of course the person in the suit had no idea what she was talking about. He nodded. She squealed with delight, ran over to us and said, "I'm doing good. He's coming back during my nap!"

She'd never been so excited to sleep in her life. When she awoke, her eggs were hidden and her basket was full. She and I both learned an important lesson that Easter Sunday. She learned that there are boundaries and consequences. If the boundaries are crossed, the consequences will be followed. And, I learned that if I'm not willing to stick to the consequences, I shouldn't threaten with them. Consequences should be something we can live with, and we MUST adhere to them!
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Can Removing Screens Help Your Child's Communication?

1/7/2015

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Picture
There's a debate over the use of screens with our young people. Some say that Tablets, Smart Phones, Computers, and TVs are dumbing down our kids, allowing their brain to coast instead of to think and use creativity. Yet, I teach at a school that not only embraces screens, but puts iPads in the hands of kids in third grade and above. They use these to do academic programs that would take ten teachers to do in the classroom without the screens. The students do presentations using PowerPoint and have access to information for reports at their finger tips.

So, as parents, what do we do? I think we need to find a balance. Kids have to be able to get away from the screens to allow all parts of their brains to develop, but the screens can be used as wonderful tools to assist in other passions and helping children develop their creativity.

Someone told me a story the other day of a three year old that she works with. the three year old was not a talker. He would respond to questions or make requests using just one word. He got what he wanted and would have tantrums if it wasn't enough. He lived and died by the screen.

So, his parents took the Safety-Net route and made a drastic change that they knew would be tough for all parties at first, but that would hopefully help their child become happy and successful in the long-run... They took away his screens.

Granted, I don't think toddlers need to have access to screens all that much. They should be reading books, building with blocks and Play-Doh, being sung to, etc... These parents made a mistake (we all do), but they rectified it.

This young man had a fit! He screamed and yelled and tantrummed for four days... then, it was over. He started to play with toys. He began to ask his older brother if he wanted to play with him. And, the best part? He started to talk in full sentences. He spoke politely and used "thank you" and "please." He always had the ability to do this, but no one knew because the screens had taken over his life. He didn't need to connect with humans, so why speak?

I love this story because the parents drew a new line in the sand and stood by it, even when it got tough. Sometimes we have to go through the bad, before we can get to the good. So, if things are tough at home and you feel that screens are taking over your child's life, you may need to put your foot down and create new boundaries to ensure happiness and success for your child.


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    Author

    Leon Scott Baxter has been called "America's Romance Guru" as well as "The Dumbest Genius You Will Ever Meet." Could one man actually be both?

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